


Silence

by MalikRuttingAssassinAss



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Arguments, Complete, I love Mass Effect - ohjesusIneedKaidaninmyunderwear, I wrote this in reaction to Kaidan's constant "can't talk right now" bullshit., M/M, Mass Effect 3, Nose-bleeds, Post Apollo's restaurant Love Interest activation with Kaidan, Semi-Public Sex, That N7 hoodie uhhnf, Turned into smut pretty damn fast, migraines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-14
Updated: 2013-02-14
Packaged: 2017-11-29 07:25:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/684375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalikRuttingAssassinAss/pseuds/MalikRuttingAssassinAss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If there was one thing, just one single thing in the world that managed to piss Shepard off more than a Reaper's incinerator beam or a thick-headed Krogan Clan-leader or invasive, mouthy reporters, or, fuck it, all of the above, it was Kaidan. Lovely, adorable, picture-perfect, couldn't-do-a-thing-wrong Major Kaidan Alenko.</p><p>Shepard confronts Kaidan on his "Can't talk right now" bullshit. Kaidan feels bad, then things get freaky. I hate how Kaidan just sits there, doing fuck all and just tells you "can't talk right now", or, "we'll talk later, Shepard" when he's blatantly doing NOTHING!! This is my reaction to that predicament. Do please enjoy! :)</p><p>Plus, James. Read to find out what I mean, thank you!</p><p>Now illustrated by yours truly! :D</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silence

If there was one thing, just one single thing in the world that managed to piss Shepard off more than a Reaper's incinerator beam or a thick-headed Krogan Clan-leader or invasive, mouthy reporters, or, fuck it, all of the above, it was Kaidan. Lovely, adorable, picture-perfect, couldn't-do-a-thing-wrong Major Kaidan Alenko, who had the same dreams of saving the galaxy as Shepard himself, shared the same goals and seemed to be stuck on the same wave-length. Shepard would only have to look at Kaidan for him to know where exactly to find cover and which of his biotic abilities to use next. Wave-length, psychic-bond, biotic-syncing, sweet bromance, Shepard didn't know what it was, but it was there and they were both living today because of it.

 

Unfortunately, that type of bond was strictly for battlefield usage. When it came down to seeing Kaidan around the Normandy, it was strictly business, like they had never gone to the Apollo's restaurant on the Citadel, like they never made the agreement to be together, like they never confessed their feelings to one another. Shit, Shepard could easily bet on being able to find a more intimate and emotional conversation with Garrus right now, let alone his boyfriend.

 

And that was what had Shepard pissed as he watched Kaidan sitting in the Starboard observation area.

 

"Can't talk right now." Kaidan had announced, before going silent and resting his chin back on his knuckles. Shepard watched the Major, quietly grinding his teeth in silent fury as Kaidan washed him out of existence to track the passing stars, planets and wreckage. What was he so busy with, exactly? Why couldn't he damn well talk?

 

'I'm your fucking boyfriend, Major, you better fucking talk to me!' The thought was there, the words on the very tip of his tongue, but to shout at Kaidan because he requested some privacy, that would be kind of harsh. Yeah, harsh, like ignoring your damn boyfriend for the fifth day in a row because you 'can't talk right now'. Shepard sighed gently, averting his eyes and looking over the bookcases along the far side of the room, wondering if there was a book strong enough to slam Kaidan round the head with, but then that would probably cause another one of Kaidan's horrific migraines. And abuse was abuse, no matter what way you looked at it. Kinky play-fighting, yeah, fun, but Shepard doubted that was going to happen anytime soon.

 

"Kaidan." Shepard muttered as he shifted his weight, hip jutting out as his arms folded.

 

"Can't talk right now." The major announced again in a very familiar tone. Where had Shepard heard that before? Oh yes, of course, it had been on repeat for the past five fucking days.

 

"No, you don't have to talk, Kaidan. Not for what I want to say to you." John cringed, felt his self-control slipping through his fingers as he leant down, reached over with both hands and grasped the back of the corner sofa Kaidan was what... sulking on? He boxed the now fiercely uncomfortable looking Major in with his arms and moved his head until he established even a second of eye-contact before Kaidan was drawing his gaze away.

 

"What I said on the Citadel, about how this feels right, us, Kaidan, I wasn't saying it to make you feel good about yourself, or stroke your ego, or any kind of bullshit like that. I was saying it from the heart. How I want someone to turn to, hold in the night, maybe even love... I meant it. If you're going to freak out and back out now, you need to question if the things you said to me on the Citadel were the truth or not. If you lied to me, then I want you off my damn ship. If you meant it, then you'll stop ignoring me and give me the same attention I try to give you." With that said, Shepard withdrew and stepped back, watching Kaidan for a reaction for a moment. When nothing came, John clenched his jaw and walked past. The undying urge to slam a door shut and kick something out of his way was strong, but with the doors automatic, sliding in to the wall-type-things, and the corridors baron of any type of junk, his urges went unfulfilled

 

"Shepard." A voice called.

 

The Commander turned on the spot, eyeing the figure standing in the doorway leading into the starboard lounge.

 

"Yes, Major..?" He responded. He watched as Kaidan took a deep breath, rolled his shoulders back and paced forward a few steps.

 

“You and I both know there’s a lot more to think about than just our relationship.” Kaidan sounded tired, looked it too, Shepard noted. “It’s important to have a clear head on a mission, you of all people should know that. Being able to sit and think things through- meditate, if you want to call it that - it does me a world of good.”  
  
Shepard hesitated. He hadn’t considered _why_  Kaidan sat there, turning him away whenever he prompted a conversation, he just… he wanted Kaidan to… no, that was it, he just wanted Kaidan. The thought was clear on his face as the Major chuckled exasperatedly and continued his approach until Shepard felt hands sliding over his shoulders, rubbing attentively.  
  
“Listen… Come to the Crew quarters tonight. I’ll… show you a thing or two.”  
  
“Crew quarters?” Shepard blurted, before looking around and dropping his tone. “Why crew quarters? You could come to my cabin…”  
  
“Not with the amount of people trying to get into your cabin tonight.” Kaidan gestured towards Shepard’s omni tool. “Liara, Allers, James, Traynor…”  
  
“How do you…”  
  
“If you leave your messages open in the combat and war room, I’m going to read them. I’m not the shadow broker, but hell if I’m not nosey.” Kaidan chuckled and lifted his hand, ribbing his knuckles down the Commander’s chest before stepping away and turning back towards the Starboard lounge.  
  
“Sneaky bastard.” Shepard shook his head and walked off towards the elevator.  
  
He should really start closing his messages.  
  
                                                                   ***

 

By the time Shepard pulled his face up from the stack of data pads around him, the ship’s time was glaring at around quarter past 10 in the night cycle. Late, but still early enough that people were still trying to get an hour of his time in the cabin. As much as he loved helping people with their problems, thus further adding to his own, he wasn’t that selfless tonight. There was one man demanding his attention and by fuck he was going to give it to him. In the most literal sense.  
  
His pace was hastened at the thought of the Major waiting for him, patiently, as he always did, as he had done for the past two years. That thought didn’t sit right with him, no matter how positive he tried to be with it, no matter how much he tried to rationalize it.  
  
Kaidan _must_ have had lovers in the past two years. He was handsome, courageous and caring, selfless. And if Shepard had to continue down the road of sounding like a maiden head over heels, he would have to admit Kaidan had saved his arse more than a few times too.  
  
Luckily, with taking the elevator down past the war and combat floor he avoided Traynor. He didn’t need to go near the Engineer bay, so Allers was avoided completely and James was tied up with a boasting-battle with Garrus in the mess hall, so that was 3 out of 4 people avoided. And with Liara’s office the opposite direction of the Crew’s quarters, it was easy enough to avoid her.  
  
The doors slid open and Shepard slipped inside, feeling the rush of air as the doors closed behind him. The lights were dimmed right down, even the orange monitors on the table and desk at the far side of the room where shut off. That could mean one of two things. Someone was sleeping and someone was hoping to get laid.  
  
That ‘someone’, Shepard smirked, was him.  
  
A shaken breath brought him from his analysis of the room. He looked around, pinpointing the sound to the bunk closest to him. A very familiar form was curled there in complete alliance uniform. And the arse that was presented to him, unintentionally, as the figure laid curled in on himself… well, there was only one person with such a magnificent behind.  
  
“Kaidan.” Shepard breathed as he made his way to the Major.

 

All excitement and anticipation left him as the Spectre turned onto his back and gazed up at his Commander. The look on his face was a distortion of relief and complete and utter agony and Shepard knew without being told that this was a big one.

 

“I’ll go get Dr. Chakwas.” John smiled and damn if it didn’t hurt something deep inside to see Kaidan in such a state. Usually the man would take care of the problem himself, and Shepard would be none the wiser about Kaidan’s migraines, but shit, Shepard had never seen it come to the point the pain had tears welling up in the man’s eyes.

 

“No.” Kaidan mumbled, reaching towards Shepard. “It’s alright. You’re here.”  
  
“Major…” He sighed affectionately as he slid down onto his knees and leant his elbows on the bed. “You’re in a lot of pain, even Urdnot Wreav could see that. And he couldn’t care shit about a kitten being strangled.” Shepard paused, pulling a hand free from his folded arms to run the backs of his fingers gently over Kaidan’s silver flecked raven hair.  
  
“I haven’t had a migraine for almost 3 days… Heh, funny how it builds up and then smashes your brain into the backs of your eyes all of a sudden. Real fucking funny…” Kaidan took a deep breath, eyes squeezing shut as he shuffled backwards and made room for the Commander. “Sorry about ruining our date… shit timing, I know.”  
  
“We’re still doing exactly what I wanted to do.” Shepard chuckled as he tugged off his boots and pulled himself into bed beside the Major.  
  
“Uh, you know I’m not going to be able to…. To- uh…”  
  
“No.” Shepard laughed openly, before settling a hand against Kaidan’s temple, gently massaging his thumb into the dent there. “I’m wrapped up with you and that’s all I need…”  
  
“For now.” Kaidan vocalised the thought that followed Shepard’s statement, but John was speaking the truth regardless. He was happy where he was, tangled in Kaidan’s heat, but yes, the ‘for now’ was a correct presumption. Shepard made a noise of agreement and continued the massage to Kaidan’s temples.  
  
Eventually, the Major lifted himself, still laying with his forehead pressed against Shepard’s sternum. The new angle allowed Shepard’s fingers to properly massage the Major’s head, digging in at the right points and smoothing away the stress as best he could. But even with his efforts, he could still feel the moisture of Kaidan’s tears seeping into his N7 hoodie and cooling against his skin.  
  
“Dr. Chakwas should be told, Kaidan.” Shepard sighed heavily and ran his fingers into the hair grown over the amp-port at the base of Kaidan’s skull. “Kaidan..?”  
  
“So she can pump me with drugs until I can’t remember where my own ears are? No thanks. I need to be aware right now… I … I don’t want to lose this moment to a haze of drugs.”  
  
“And pain doesn’t dull your awareness..?” Shepard scoffed. Kaidan didn’t lift his head from Shepard’s chest, just sighed hot into his hoodie and tightened his grip on the sheets either side of the Commander.  
  
“Pain heightens the senses. It makes you hyper aware, surely you of all people understand that, no..?”  
  
Shepard didn’t quite hear Kaidan. Admittedly, he was a bit distracted by the feel of something thick that had oozed beneath his hoodie and had begun to trickle down his left flank. He shuddered at the feeling. He only felt such a sensation when his armor was breached, his shield shattered and a molten slug caught him on the offensive. But he had no outstanding battle wounds or injuries capable of bleeding. Unless…  
  
“Kaidan.” John carefully found purchase against the man’s jaw and levered his face up to meet his. He blinked, eyes filled with distress met his, but it was the crimson trail running steadily down from his nose, over his lips and dripping off his chin that had him taking a quick inhale. “Shit, K.”  
  
“Happens a lot, don’t worry.” Kaidan forced a smile, weight shifting so he could unzip Shepard’s hoodie and push up the black undershirt. The thick crimson puddle had smeared over the Commander’s skin and now settled in the crevices between muscles. He looked apologetic upon the mess he’d made, and was continuing to make, but he didn’t say anything further than reaching over and carefully pulling the tissues beside his bed closer.

 

Shepard pulled the handful of tissues free from the Major’s fingers as he moved to clean away the blood, and instead pressed the wad under Kaidan’s nose.  
  
“You’ve been pushing yourself too hard again.” Shepard grumbled witheringly.  
  
“John, if I let my migraines get the better of me, then I may as well jump into the incinerator beam of a Reaper now. You need me on the field, I need to be there…” Kaidan trailed off and sighed, planting a soft kiss to the thumb Shepard had been trailing across his chin as he pressed the tissue against the flow of blood.  
  
“Don’t worry. I’ll still be standing beside you when we take down the last of the Reapers… Head held high, no matter how much it’s pounding.” Kaidan chuckled against the tissue, his voice slightly muffled with his nose clogged.  
  
“You better be there.” Shepard huffed and brushed his thumb over Kaidan’s lips again, watching how they flexed forward to press another kiss against the pad. “If you’re not, then the whole galaxy can go to hell…”  
  
“Shepard.” The Major sighed and pushed the tissue from his face, the bleeding having stopped. “You’ll keep fighting no matter where I am, you understand?” The tone Kaidan used wasn’t exactly friendly, more a higher-ranking command. Shepard frowned and looked away, tossing the bloodied wad of tissues into the far-off bin and of course, getting it in.

  
“John.” Kaidan said firmly.  
  
“Yes, Major.” The Commander muttered and carefully sat up on the bottom bunk, pulling Kaidan down to lay comfortably in-between his legs. “Understood, now, get some rest.”

 

                                                                                          ***  
  
John would freely admit that the first thing he thought about when he woke up wasn’t usually his dick, where his dick was and why it was so damn hot and hard already. But, this waking moment was an exception. The warmth, the pulsing and moist slickness that had surrounded his penis was suddenly the only thing he could think about. It felt amazing.  
  
His lips parted to release a moan. He could smell Kaidan, he was encircled by the scent of the Major and he couldn’t recall why. Then it hit him. Kaidan’s horrific migraine, his bloody nose and falling asleep in Kaidan’s bunk and before he could recall anymore, a hand was pressing over his mouth to stifle the sultry groan that rumbled deep in his throat.  
  
“At ease, Commander...” A voice was suddenly at his ear, the words almost lost to the hum of the Normandy’s driver core down below. The heat around his cock was gone for now and he wondered what Kaidan had done to it to make it feel that good…  
  
Perhaps opening his eyes would help..?  
  
The room was dark, pitch black as his eyes flickered open, taking in the room and the state of his clothes. His Alliance uniform trousers were unbuttoned and pulled down to his mid-thighs and his shirt hitched up. The blood was gone, wiped clean, but he could feel the remaining blood that seeped into his clothes stiffen the fabric. The stains were going to be a bitch to try and wash out, that was for sure.

 

His black briefs were as low as his trousers and his cock stood hard and glistening with something that definitely wasn’t sweat from the looks of it.  
  
Then his eyes found Kaidan kneeling between his sprawled legs and he honestly couldn’t have found anything more erotic than the look of utter bliss on the man’s face. His lips were smirking, moist with saliva and what Shepard suspected was pre-come. His hair was slightly dishevelled; a single strand of black hair falling against his forehead and suddenly ‘the cat that got the cream’ was too perfect. And Shepard couldn’t even start to describe what the sight of Kaidan’s bulge was doing to him, the way his manhood strained desperately against the inside of his trousers, it must have been painful.

  
  
“What…” Shepard managed to breathe again after Kaidan pulled his broad hand from his lips. He immediately licked them, tasting the salty tang of sweat left there by the Major’s palm.  
  
“Sssh…” Kaidan insisted. He watched how the Major sent a glance to his right, surveying the room for any movement and it was in that instant Shepard realised they were no longer alone in the room. Thankfully, they were in Kaidan’s bunk. No one slept on the bunk on top of Kaidan as the ventilation was released almost directly onto that sleeping area and it was impossible to sleep there one night without waking with icicles from your nostrils. Or wake at all, considering.  
  
But all other beds were occupied, Shepard noticed. Garrus, Traynor, James, Adams, Joker, Steve, and most of the crew were tucked up in their beds around them. Kaidan had some serious balls when it came to giving him a blow job.  
  
“Your head.” Shepard stuttered as Kaidan slowly lowered himself back to his Commander’s cock. He sucked in a quick, quiet breath and bucked his hips up slightly, closing his eyes to the sensation of the Major’s tongue working over his cock in utter silence.

  
Some people could be loud whilst giving oral, Shepard knew that from experience with other lovers, but not Kaidan. He had either trained himself not to make any noises because fraternizing within the Alliance was against over half a dozen regulations, or he just generally thought the noises giving oral usually made were grotesque and turned him off, so went to the effort of not making them.

 

“My head is fine, John…” Kaidan breathed against his thigh as he gave one of his balls a thick stroke of his tongue. Shepard honestly didn’t know whether he wanted to argue or risk giving Kaidan another headache with their activities, but apparently, the Major wasn’t willing to give Shepard time to do either.  
  
Shepard tipped his head back, opening his mouth as Kaidan’s lips drew around his cock tight and squeezed just under the head of his prick. He knew he was capable of waking everyone in the room if Kaidan pulled that little stunt again so he pressed his knuckles between his teeth and took deep breaths from his nose. He settled his free hand down around the base of his cock, holding it steady as Kaidan released his free hand to reach down and release his own cock from the restraints of his trousers.  
  
Shepard’s mouth began to water as Kaidan’s eyebrows furrowed, a long breath escaping his nose. The relief of finally touching himself was evident across his features but he didn’t make it vocal. For a moment, Shepard wished they were in his cabin to let their moans loose until their lungs burned and their throats ran dry, though he couldn’t deny the thrill of being caught was turning him on just as much as seeing Kaidan so un-bound.  
  
He glanced to the side and tensed at the figure laying in the bed next to them. James Vega. He was facing them, and if he woke up, shit, he would get an eyeful that was for sure. He did briefly wonder why James chose to sleep directly next to Kaidan, as Shepard was sure before Kaidan had come aboard the Normandy again, James slept closer to the desk at the far side of the room.  
  
That was something that needed to be-  
  
Shepard’s teeth broke the skin of where thumb-met-palm as Kaidan gave a deep, powerful suck and jabbed his tongue straight into Shepard’s slit. He spasmed, arching his back and straining his head against the wall behind him as Kaidan refused to quit with such intensity. The bed luckily didn’t creak as Shepard’s body squirmed and convulsed, but the rustle of sheets and supressed breaths were almost deafening in the Commander’s ears as he grabbed at the pillows beneath his head with his free hand. He tasted copper on his tongue so sharp and bitter, he rolled his head back, hips jutting forward uncontrollably as Kaidan went deeper with his mouth and pressed his perfect nose against Shepard’s dark curls.  
  
Shepard couldn’t breathe. His chest strained for sufficient air, his teeth sinking deeper into the lacerations on his hand before he was bucking hard and unintentionally fucking Kaidan’s throat. The Major supressed his urge to gag, relaxing his throat as he allowed the Commander to thrust with abandon for a moment, until he slammed both his hands into Shepard’s hips and pulled back for breath. He muffled his gasping with the taught fabric of the Commander’s boxers as he sacrificed a hand from holding Shepard down to touch himself again.  
  
What little he could see, Shepard knew Kaidan was desperate to come also. The way the Major shifted against his knees, trying to find friction against his open trousers, hips bucking into the air as he sucked Shepard back down again. Damn it, Shepard could do nothing in his position and moving could probably wake James up. The man wasn’t a light sleeper but with how uncoordinated Shepard felt right then, an accidental kick to the Lieutenant’s face would wake even him.  
  
“Kaidan.” Shepard almost whimpered as he felt the Major pull away from his cock again. He cracked an eye open, watching how the man rolled his jaw and swallowed thickly.  
  
“Sorry, you’re a hard one to crack, Commander.” Kaidan chuckled as he pushed forward and pressed a gentle kiss to Shepard’s forehead. The act was intimate, causing a flare of warmth to erupt in his chest as the Major slid back to continue his ministrations, but Shepard stopped him with a hand under his chin.  
  
“I want you inside me…” Shepard mouthed, eyes concentrating on Kaidan’s and only once straying across the room to check if anyone had woken up to hear his words. The Major had gone still, eyes wide and portraying his surprise even as he nodded and crawled back up the bed to meet his Commander. He looked… Jesus, there weren’t any words for it, he just… _looked._

 

“You’re sure..?” Kaidan breathed as he settled his hips against the back of Shepard’s thighs, locking eyes with him again and licking his lips. “You’re such a freak wanting to do it in front of all these people…”  
  
“You were giving me a blowjob in my sleep, explain that one.” Shepard smirked as he slipped his hands down to his trousers and boxers and quickly shoved them down off his legs.  
  
“How else do you think I learned to do such things..?” Kaidan grinned and pulled the socks from Shepard’s feet. “Had to test my skills on someone.”  
  
“Tell me you’re joking.” Shepard frowned and shuffled back to get comfortable. “You sucked people off in their sleep..?”  
  
The smile that spread across the Major’s face both relieved and frightened Shepard at the same time. He wasn’t sure if it was proving his odd sense of humour or admitting guilt to what he had confessed, so he just dropped the subject and ran his thumb back over those swollen lips.  
  
“Are you sure you want to do this here, Commander..?” Kaidan whispered and slid his tongue over the pad of Shepard’s digit, tasting the salt of sweat lingering there.  
  
“I don’t think I can move anyway, Major.” Shepard chuckled lightly as he shifted his hips to subtly grind against Kaidan’s dick, gasping quietly at the friction against the cleft of his arse. “Pull those trousers further down. That’s an order, soldier.”  
  
The heat that filled the Biotic’s eyes was instantaneous. His hands whipped downwards to his trousers and tugged them free of his thighs, before he was pressing himself firmly against Shepard’s behind again. The Commander let loose a silent chuckled as Kaidan lowered himself back down and kissed him gently on the lips.  
  
“Excited, are we?” He muttered and watched Kaidan stiffen as his fingers brushed over the head of his cock to work a finger into himself. The Major could only lick his lips and nod as he lowered his gaze to where the Commander’s hand had gone.  
  
“I really think we should go elsewhere for this, I don’t intend on going easy on you.”  
  
“I can keep quiet.” Shepard interjected and licked a stripe up Kaidan’s cheek, his breath deepening as he added a second into himself and squirmed into the Major’s lap further. “You remember that time when a Cerberus slug went through and through my thigh and I was silent for the whole time..?”  
  
“How can I forget? You bled all over me when I found out where the blood was coming from... 3 hours later.” The scowl on Kaidan’s lips twisted into a soft smile when Shepard touched his cheek and tilted his chin towards him again. He leant forward on to his hands and placed a soft kiss to the Commander’s lips. He sucked in a sharp breath when Shepard’s dexterous fingers grabbed his cock and lead it to his opening. He tensed, looking the Commander in the eye and all humour dropped from his face once he realised just how far the man beneath him wanted him to go.  
  
Shepard closed his eyes, bottom lip disappearing between teeth as he shifted his legs wider and invited Kaidan into himself. Dry.  
  
“John.” Kaidan hissed as his head breached the man’s opening. “Shit, John- don’t hurt yourself.”  
  
“Feels good…” Shepard murmured, though the grimace made it to his eyes regardless of his efforts.  
  
“If you had been patient for five fucking seconds I could have avoided causing you this pain.” Kaidan grumbled and reached under the left corner of the mattress. Shepard slid his eyes open and met the Major’s as he felt his weight shift over himself.

 

The small bottle of lubricant appeared from its hiding place and really, Shepard couldn’t think of why it would even be needed. Kaidan was such a self-controlled kind of guy. He wondered how Kaidan ever allowed himself to drown in the pleasure that required lubrication alone. But then he had to think it was probably the same way Kaidan had lost himself so badly he had started to suck Shepard off in his sleep.

 

“Look at me, Shepard…” Kaidan muttered as he popped the cap of the lubricant under the sheets to muffle the soft click. Shepard skimmed his gaze up to Kaidan, tongue running over his lips in anticipation. He felt a sensation down the left side of his face all of a sudden, the hairs on his arm standing on end as Kaidan flicked his gaze to the side, gesturing minutely to the bed beside them. The Commander didn’t have to look to know James was awake and watching them.  
  
Fuck it wasn’t weird enough without a voyeur joining in as well, but Shepard had to admit they had brought it upon themselves. That sensation across his left side, he should have known it was the feeling of being watched. He was an infiltrator, it was important to know when you were being watched and yet he had ignored the signs.  
  
Shepard concentrated his gaze on Kaidan, hoping the Biotic would pick up on his understanding of the situation. It was like the wave-length was reconnected again as Kaidan carefully smeared the lubricant down his cock and pushed his fingers into the Commander to test his resistance. Shepard opened to the penetration easily, nothing but a soft suck of breath his reaction as he felt the fingers work deep, then pull out completely. His ice blue eyes met the Major’s garnet as they fell to half-lidded, then squeezed shut as he felt the blunt head of the man’s cock press against him. A steady exhale left him as ran his fingers up the Major’s arms and dug into his shoulders.  
  
“Do it…” Shepard whispered and slid his lips over Kaidan’s in silence, allowing the Major to take the lead in every sense of the word. The kiss was passionate without the force they would usually be willing to give each other. With force came the desperate gasps for breaths between kisses, too loud for such a situation, so passionate would have to suffice. Soft inhales interrupted the light smack of lips as Kaidan pushed into his lover as slowly as he could bear. His hips itched to surge forward, to bury himself to the hilt on the first thrust but that would make Shepard cry out, either in pain, surprise or pleasure.

 

Shepard could feel Vega’s eyes on them as he was filled, tilting his head back and displaying the plains of his chest as he shrugged off his hoodie and allowed Kaidan to push his t-shirt up over his head. A gasp escaped the Commander as Kaidan lost control and plunged in the rest of the way in one sharp thrust. He opened his mouth to cry out but Kaidan was there to muffle the sound with his lips in a somewhat apologetic kiss.  
  
“Can’t resist you.” The Biotic whispered once he was sure the urge to groan was gone from the Commander for now. Shepard smiled against the next contact of lips, before he was arching his back and biting back another moan. Kaidan certainly wasn’t making it easy for him as the second thrust ground the Major’s tip against his prostate profusely. His bare arm came round and pressed his mouth shut with the crook of his elbow as another thrust had his legs in spasms and pressing the Major closer to himself.  
  
Kaidan could do nothing but clear his throat to stifle a rumbling groan that forced its way from his lips. His head knocked the bottom of the bunk above him as he grabbed Shepard’s legs and hooked them over his shoulders to try and control how much the Commander squirmed underneath him. Kaidan grinned to himself at the thought that maybe Shepard was reacting so well to even the slightest movement because he hadn’t allowed anyone _inside_   before.  
  
“John.” He whispered as he lowered down against Shepard, effectively bending him in half. “Am I the first..?”  
  
Shepard wasn’t entirely sure what Kaidan was asking as he gasped desperately for breath as quietly as he could. His lungs felt close to bursting and his skin glowed red from the strenuous activity and also the embarrassment as he realised just what Kaidan was asking him. He nodded once before sticking one hand into his mouth and the other went down to tend to his hard cock. He needed to come, he couldn’t hold it anymore. His insides clenched at the new level of pleasure as he timed his strokes with Kaidan’s thrusts.  
  
The Major reacted immediately as the smile left his face, replaced with one of utter bliss as Shepard’s velvety walls clenched tight around his cock. He couldn’t help himself, he bucked harder, grabbing the wall behind Shepard’s head and gasping sharply, loudly, as he fucked into the Commander.

 

“Hey, Major, you alright?” A voice suddenly called. Kaidan stilled, eyes flicking wide as he stared down at the Commander squirming and throwing his head back under him. John released a silent whimper, hips grinding down and begging for the powerful thrusting and driving to continue.  
  
“I’ve got full visuals on the Major, Joker.” James abruptly replied to the pilot.  
  
Thank fuck for that partition wall behind James’ bunks.  
  
“Huh? James, what’s going on over there? I can hear Kaidan from here.”  
  
“He’s still suffering from the earlier migraine. He’s just been tossing and turning in his sleep. Can’t promise his hand ain’t down his pants though...” The shit eating grin James sent towards the coupled lovers rolled off Shepard’s back and slammed down on Kaidan’s. The biotic tensed and he wondered what he wanted to do to James more; thank him, or reave him through the bulk head.  
  
“Christ, James, if the Major heard you say that, I would bet anything he’d find a way of choking you with your own tongue.. And then, he’d kick your ass _hard_.” Joker snorted, before the distinct sound of shuffling bed sheets ripped through the silence. Kaidan hunched up just as he realised how right Joker was, and how badly he wished to mutilate James until his smirk became his arse. But he was distracted, eyeing the partition wall and hoping to all religious entities that Joker wasn’t about to round the bend.  
  
“But seriously, you want me to get Dr. Chakwas, is it bad?” The pilot called out from the same position earlier, proving he hadn’t moved. Kaidan sighed and pressed his nose into Shepard’s cheek, hips shifting and grinding slowly into his lover again as the Commander tipped his chin and exposed his neck like a dog on its back for a belly scratch. Teeth gathered a tendon and bit sharply down upon it, tasting the salt of the sweat and goose bumps rising up.  
  
“Nah, I’m keeping a good eye on him. He’s probably having a nightmare, not sure, not in his head, _amigo._ ”  
  
“No, yeah, obviously, I know that.” Joker grumbled, exasperated. “Wake him up, James, see what’s going on.”  
  
“Sure, but if the Major loses his shit with me for waking him up, you’re getting the blame.” James smirked at Kaidan as he tugged himself out of bed, his muscles swimming under the surface of his tanned skin. “He’s all curled up like a kitten in a sun-beam.”  
  
“I kinda get what the Commander sees in the Major sometimes, and I’m not even gay.” Joker announced. “That _voice_ , those lips and damn if the man doesn’t have a secure grip on his self-control. Kinda makes you wonder what he’d do if he was drunk.”  
  
“Only one way to find out, Joker,” James called with a chuckle. “Can’t say I don’t like that idea either. Heh, getting Blue to lose himself for one night… That’s something I wanna see.” Kaidan opened his mouth, eyes squeezing shut as the Lieutenant’s fingers slid up his spine, flicking over his amp jack and burying them into his hair. He felt his biotics sizzle across the surface of his skin, heightening his nerves for a millisecond before a vivid _crack_ sent a pulse over Shepard’s chest. James dropped forward to cover the Commander’s mouth as a cry of pleasure and shock tore deep from his lungs.  
  
“James?” Another voice this time. Garrus.  
  
“Scars?”  
  
“Couldn’t help but overhear your conversation with Joker. What’s the Major’s condition?”  
  
Kaidan could feel Shepard’s insides throbbing around him. He wanted to come so much, but with his nerves on edge and paranoia nibbling at the base of his skull, he couldn’t reach the summit just yet, if at all. Shepard seemed to find everything quite amusing, the grin on his face proving as much as James’ fingers slipped from his lips.  
  
“He’s still sleeping, not sure how to go about waking him.” The Lieutenant replied. “By that I mean, I don’t know how to wake him without him putting his boot through my face.”  
  
“You should risk it. At any rate, I’m sure any damage Kaidan does to your face will improve it regardless.”  
  
Shepard was shaking beneath him now, neck exposed with his head tilted back. And arm was thrown across his mouth as his other hand splayed across the Major’s chest. The thrusting was insistent, hungry, aiming for the finish, but Shepard could tell Kaidan was having trouble with the two fellow crew members talking through the darkness like disembodied voices. James on the other hand, though protecting what they were sharing, or at least trying to, was unintentionally drawing more attention from Joker and now Garrus.  
  
The Lieutenant finished cursing the Turian out and leant down, giving Kaidan’s neck a sharp bite before wrapping his large hand around Shepard’s neglected cock. The Major’s lips opened, releasing a gasp that did nothing but please Shepard beneath him.  
  
“Hey… hey, Major. Are you alright?” James sounded genuinely concerned and Kaidan couldn’t find the words to call out his bullshit, and even if he did, they would be hissed between clenched teeth and mixed with a moan and completely unintelligible.  
  
“Is he not waking up?” Joker called out.  
  
“Deep sleeper.” James mumbled as he moved behind Kaidan. The biotic opened his eyes, then wider as he felt James begin to grind what felt like quite a large bulge against his arse. The hand that wasn’t working over Shepard’s length splayed over Kaidan’s belly and pulled him back slightly against the hard heat grinding into him and Kaidan suddenly felt on the verge of exploding.  
  
“ _Real deep._ ”

 

The look in Shepard’s eyes was one of complete hunger, like the Lieutenant’s actions was turning him on something fierce. Kaidan didn’t know if he should feel humbled or jealous at that moment.

 

“Best idea is to reassure him whilst he’s sleeping.”  
  
“That’s the gayest thing I’ve ever heard.” Garrus chimed in.  
  
“Hey, don’t start snorting, Turian, it fucking works, trust me.” Joker growled back. “Back when Kaidan and I were on the Normandy SR-1, we shared bunks. He’d sometimes come down with a migraine whilst in a deep sleep and I could never wake him up. Call me a liar, but I shit you not; applying pressure to the amp jack Kaidan keeps hidden under his hair actually works.”

 

 _No._  
  
“Surely that would _add_ to his pain..?” Garrus huffed.

 

 _Oh God, no._  
  
“Ashley showed me. She just pressed her fingers against the base of it and _bam_ , he was sleeping pretty again.” Joker said with no small amount of pride.  
  
“Huh… I’ll try, hang on.”  
  
Kaidan turned his eyes to James and scowled fiercely. Shepard was squirming and grabbing at him, right on the verge if the clenching around Kaidan’s cock told him anything, and it did. It also stopped the man from moving away as James raised his hand and pressed his fingers against the base of his amp jack.

 

 _FUCK._  
  
A cry flew from his lips that could have been mistaken for pain, if his cock hadn’t been spurting white web deep into Shepard’s entrance, and after such a noise, there was no way of keeping up the act of being asleep. He gasped, eyes screwing shut as both pleasure and fury flared up into his throat.  
  
“Lieutenant Vega, you fucking sagging ass of horse shit!” The Major roared as Shepard clenched impossibly tight, signalling his completion and ripping a second, smaller orgasm from his loins. The Commander pounded back against him for a few more seconds, before breathing sharply into the sleeve of his N7 hoodie and rolling off to the side of the bed against the wall. Kaidan dropped face first into his pillow, releasing a tyrant of curses into the cotton.  
  
“Damn, that worked pretty damn well.” James muttered almost to himself.  
  
“How hard did you press, muscles?!” Joker snapped, followed by a high creak as he shuffled from his bed. Kaidan’s head shot up as James tucked his penis away and tugged his pants shut, then shuffled back to his bed. Kaidan almost smirked at the Lieutenant using the sheets to cover the straining hardness confined to his boxers.  
  
“Not _that_ hard.” He grumbled, biting a lip between his teeth.  
  
Kaidan glanced behind him, but found Shepard gone. He felt his warmth, however, and the feel of a solid hand against his thigh. Tactical Cloak, of course, damned infiltrators.  
  
“In other words, pretty damn hard.”  
  
“No one asked you, Scars.” James argued petulantly.  
  
The Major shuffled, settling under the sheets as he brushed his hand over his amp jack, feeling the device for any damage because, _yes_ , James did press pretty fucking hard.  
  
“You alright, Major?” He looked up at the limping form approaching and then lean against James’ bunk. He didn’t look the same without his cap, Kaidan decided, he also had the most extreme case of ‘hat hair’ he’d ever seen and he’d witnessed a Quarian taking off their helmet after 10 years of non-stop usage.  
  
“Yeah… yeah, I’m fine.” Kaidan shifted, looking both uncomfortable and tired at the same time, but for completely different reasons than what Joker had thinking.  
  
“You sure about that? Listen, don’t think having nightmares is dumb or childish… shit, we’re currently living in a nightmare, so whatever’s going on in your dreams has to be scarier than what you face in reality every day, and that’s saying something.” He’d also never heard Joker speak with such… empathy before. Kaidan felt sickened that he was only acting and yet the man was still willing to reassure him.  
  
“Yeah…” He smiled. But it wasn’t like his nightmares hadn’t been haunting him, so he took on the advice regardless.  
  
“Just gotta remember that the shit in your dreams stays there. We gotta fight for what’s going on for real. Maybe after all this is over, we can go see a psychiatrist about our PTSD, but right now, we need the turmoil to fuel us into destroying them fucking Reapers and Cerberus… make them pay for scarring us for life.”  
  
“Damn, that’s deep, Joker.” James muttered as he ran his large hand over his eyes.  
  
“I kinda get this way when I’m tired as shit.” The Flight Lieutenant released a chuckle, before shrugging and bending to land a hand against Kaidan’s back. “You’ve seen worse crap than I ever will, Major, so I can’t really tell you everything will ‘be okay’, when I really don’t know what’s going on in your head… but yeah... get some sleep.”

  
“Thanks, Jeff.” Kaidan smiled tiredly, before cringing at a sharp pain behind his eyes. Before he could reach a hand to his sinuses, foreign moisture escaped his nose and his fingers clasped there instead. He felt the invisible hand on his thigh tighten into a claw at the sight, and Kaidan didn’t know whether he should be happy that he hadn’t just spilt snot all over himself, or worried about the blood dripping over his sheets.  
  
“Shit.” He grumbled and shakily got out of bed to reach the tissues on the table at the end of the room. He felt a hand on his arm and watched how James passed and grabbed the box of tissues for him. He looked back and landed his eyes on the person who had grabbed him, or better yet, the lack of person. He stepped back naturally, falling back on the bed and shifting until Shepard was nestled against his side.

 

“Sorry.” He mumbled. Shepard said nothing, simply tightened his grip against his chest and pushed his nose into his jaw. “About waking you, about…”  
  
“What I’m curious to know, Kaidan, is why you and the Commander were curled up together like a couple of… well… like a _couple._ ” Garrus grumbled tiredly from his bunk. Joker glanced over his shoulder, blinked, then looked back to Kaidan, arms folding.  
  
“Yeah, I was kinda wondering about that too.”  
  
“The guy is… was… warm, what can I say? Besides, the killer migraine I had earlier made me a bit lifeless. Poor guy was stuck under me, so I suppose he just gave up and took a nap. Anyway, he’s not here now,” Kaidan moaned and swapped his bloodied tissues for a fresh set. “so any of you can volunteer to be my cushion for the night.” A breathy chuckle was the only sign that he, of course, was joking.  
  
“I’ll wake Cortez, I’m sure he’ll be willing to help.” Garrus snickered.  
  
“Already awake, Garrus.” Cortez mumbled. “You’re hardly making it easy to sleep, anyway.”  
  
“Don’t hear you refusing to be the Major’s teddy-bear tonight though.”  
  
“Garrus.” Kaidan grumbled. “I was kidding. If you’re so serious about getting someone to sleep with me, just call a prostitute on ship.”  
  
“Why do we need to _call_  a prostitute on ship?” Joker snorted. “We already have Diana Allers down in Engineer Bay.”  
  
“BAM!” James laughed and high-fived the pilot beside him. Joker swiftly brought his hand back to inspect it for damage.  
  
Kaidan couldn’t help the small smile that worked onto his lips. Shepard brushed his nose against the small of his back, placing a light kiss there and leaving a warm, moist spot from where his tongue brushed the fabric of his alliance shirt. He resisted the urge to smile down to the invisible man, so instead checked his tissue for fresh blood.  
  
His bleeding seemed to have stopped, so he disposed of the tissues and sniffed carefully.  
  
“Diana Allers is hardly my type. I mean, I’m not fussy, but… I have my preferences…”  
  
“You mean, less tits, more dick.” Garrus snorted.  
  
“Less hips, more muscle.” Cortez chimed in from his face in his pillow.  
  
“Less make up, more stubble.” Joker grinned, giving his beard a quick rub.

 

“Less folds, more balls-”  
  
“Alright! Thank you! Christ, you guys horny or something?” Kaidan hissed, before shifting uncomfortably and nodding once, subtly. “Yes, maybe- _maybe_   you’re right… But this goes no further, is that understood?”  
  
“Aye aye, Major Alenko.” James said automatically. He may have been serious, but Kaidan could see the playful smirk behind those eyes. James knew Kaidan knew that he saw what Kaidan and the Commander were doing. Hell, he’d joined in, sort of, at some point, caused the Major to cry out and come and left a bite mark against the side of his neck.  
  
Kaidan was simply amazed Shepard hadn’t lost his metaphorical shit and punched James’ eyes into his throat, but he supposed even Shepard had his share of fetishes and fantasies, just like he himself did.  
  
“Less Alliance, more N7, huh?” Joker muttered so only he, James and Kaidan could hear.  
  
The Major immediately tore his gaze elsewhere, fidgeting with the sheets as he collected his thoughts.  
  
“Yeah.” He whispered. “Less Commander, more… Shepard.”  
  
There was a comfortable silence as they absorbed those words.  
  
Kaidan didn’t even know why he was confessing. Shepard was curled against his side, face buried against his thigh and listening to everything, but the man made no move to stop Kaidan from admitting his feelings to the two crew members.  
  
Finally, Joker spoke up between them.  
  
“So, are you and the Commander…?”  
  
“Not really our business, Joker.” James interrupted.

 

Kaidan really was struggling not to call James out on his bullshit now. His tongue tingled with the _you watched us fucking_   and the _you voyeur hypocrite_ , but he managed to stifle the urge until all he thought about was what he was meant to say next.  
  
“The Commander and I… It’s… complicated.”  
  
“Sounds like a crappy romance Novel.” Joker chuckled, before shrugging and slinking off back towards his bed. “I hope everything works out between you anyway. Not much time left to enjoy these kind of things, might as well jump in face-first in the deep end and then figure out whether you can swim or not.”  
  
Kaidan was pretty sure he understood the kindness of the saying, no matter how confused it was.

 

“Yeah, I think what Joker’s trying to say is, you’ve got nothing left to lose if the Commander rejects you. And if he returns your feelings, then happy times for everyone…” Garrus rumbled from his bunk. “Is it because of Cerberus…?”  
  
“What, that I’m not willing to open up to him completely..?” Kaidan hesitated. “Probably… But it’s also everyone else…” He felt a hand slide against thigh, squeezing lightly, as if in apology. “People have fallen in love with Shepard, like Liara, Tali, Miranda, Ashley, fuck, half the damn galaxy is in love with him, I can’t take that away… Not selfish enough…”  
  
“And you don’t think anyone else would?” Joker called from his bed.  
  
“And what makes you think he wants to be with anyone but you..?” James asked, and it was the person who was asking it that made the question all the more intimate. James had seen their love for each other, he had watched them making love for the first time, he had seen the love crossed between them. If anyone knew if it was real between him and Shepard, it was James. He was the first to find out after all, or maybe EDI, either way.  
  
“I…” Kaidan shook his head, pressing his knuckles into his closed eyes. “I don’t know. I just… He can have anyone he wants, whether it is human or not… If he wants it, he has it. Why would he want someone like me? I’m flawed.” Kaidan gestured to the tissues in the bin, frowning at his own blood still bright against the discarded waste. “I think listing off my flaws would be pointless when they’re so damn obvious…”  
  
“Kaidan, that’s not true.” Garrus growled as he hopped out of his bed and made his way over to James and the Major. Kaidan thought about laughing at the fact Garrus continued to wear his armour even when sleeping, but he saw it as a bit immature, so quelled the smirk trying to twist his lips. He sighed as an unseen hand pressed against his belly as Shepard nuzzled into the small of his back, wanting to comfort but with so many witnesses… Shepard wasn’t ready to reveal himself just yet. The lie had gone on for too long for them to admit Shepard had been there the whole time, it would have been seen as not trusting his crew when he did, 100% trust them.  
  
He simply didn’t want the reveal of their relationship to be tainted by the fact Shepard was almost completely naked and he couldn’t do a thing to change that.  
  
“No one is coming out of the ass-end of this war without a few scars here and there. You, Kaidan, think you have flaws, when really, they’re just improvements with side-effects. Take your L2 implants. Sure, they give you horrific migraines and the occasional nose-bleeds, but look at your biotics. Only Liara could match you, and she was born with the powers already assigned in her head. You had to be trained…” Garrus didn’t sound finished, but neither did he open his mouth to continue either.  
  
“Hey, everyone needs to be picked up and dusted off… Don’t let pride stop you from taking advice.” James stated with a firm point. “You’re only human after all…”  
  
“I didn’t mean flaws like my L2 implant, I meant… what I’ve said and done to Shepard… Horizon… I abandoned him when he needed me most… I should have taken you from Cerberus, I had the power to, but I didn’t… I… God, I wish I knew what to say to him about that stuff…”  
  
Kaidan almost forgot Shepard was there, listening, but Shepard reminded him every so often with a gentle rub against his knee.  
  
“You’re an Alliance soldier, always have, always will be… I knew there was no way you would have accepted Shepard’s offer to join him on the Normandy because of Cerberus. They put him back together, breathed new life into him, but you knew better than any of us just what Cerberus were up to… You saved all of us in the end. But, fuck, if it wasn’t annoying hearing Shepard crying over you like a heart-broken Asari whore.”  
  
Kaidan felt the breath of Shepard’s laugh brush into the seam of his Alliance pants.  
  
“That’s a lie of course, it wasn’t annoying- it was infuriating.” Garrus smirked softly, before sighing and shifting his weight. “Listen, Kaidan… I’m not good with this kind of crap, you and I both know that… But… I think the Commander feels a lot for you… If his staring at your ass all the time means something, then it means more than just taking in the assets of your crew members.”  
  
Kaidan covered his blush with a cough and raised his eyebrows.  
  
“Thanks… I think I’ll sleep on it, see what I think in the morning about all of this.” He smiled and nodded to Garrus and James. “Thanks.” Without thinking, he shuffled back and against the Commander, stifling his immediate reaction to groan at the lap fitting perfectly around his rear.

  
Shepard shifted forward, arm snaking around Kaidan’s waist as he relaxed behind the Major. He wished he was in his cabin all of a sudden. He wanted to kiss Kaidan, pin him to his bed and make him see stars that weren’t going past the starboard observation lounge window. He wanted to run his fingers over the man’s body and spark life into places that hadn’t been touched by another for years. He wanted Kaidan to voice his pleasure and never stifle it again. He wanted to finish under or over Kaidan, sweat soaked, breath loud in his ears and bodies shaking from post-orgasmic bliss.  
  
Their first time together had been so controlled, so restrained, so… so _Kaidan_. Just to see Kaidan throw back his head and unleash that painfully orgasmic cry, followed by an outburst of curses towards James when he came, it was beautiful.  
  
When he opened his eyes, he looked up to see Garrus and James returned to their own beds, and now silence filled the room. The warm bulk of Kaidan’s body felt good against him. He was effectively spooning the man, but the Major didn’t seem to begrudge the attention as he breathed steady, his body moving with the motion.  
  
Shepard couldn’t help himself. He shifted, mouth pressing against Kaidan’s amp port as his fingers slid up his chest. A shudder tore down the Major’s body, he could feel it start against his chest, then down to where he had himself pressed completely against the man’s backside. He moved to run his fingers down over the curve of Kaidan’s arse, but the man shifted, rose from the bed and made his way to the door.  
  
No eye-contact, no words or orders, there was simply an expectation for Shepard to follow. He did so, quickly. His tactical cloak fizzled out and he became visible again as the Major pressed the top button of the elevator.  
  
They stood in silence, bare foot and Shepard trouser-less in his stained alliance-briefs. His hoodie was displaced, hanging off one shoulder and his black under-shirt hitched and stained the same as his underwear, but neither mentioned anything. Shepard hadn’t had much time to tug on his clothes when Kaidan had made a B-line for the door.  
  
And still, Shepard didn’t know if Kaidan was heading to his cabin for privacy or a way to get away from his touches, to shout at him for something. He honestly didn’t know. He hoped it was the first option, fiercely.  
  
“Shepard…” Kaidan finally sighed as he moved into the Commander’s cabin. Shepard came to perfect parade rest, nodding to the Major for him to continue talking like he wasn’t standing half-naked, come-stained and exceedingly dishevelled.  
  
“The conversation I had with Garrus, James and Joker… And what I said…”  
  
“Hey…” Shepard began as he relaxed his posture and walked steadily towards the higher ranking officer. “I understand… I was with Cerberus… I-… I _understand_.” He insisted on the final word, knowing no other word in his vocabulary could describe how he felt. He didn’t necessarily _forgive_   the Major for abandoning him and not trusting him on his decisions, but he didn’t begrudge him for it either.  
  
Kaidan looked like he wanted to say something, but his voice came in a breathy sigh, wavering and cracking at the end into something akin to a whimper.  
  
“I’ve done things to you that you cannot forgive, I know this… I’m deeply sorry for Ashley’s death, for my relationship with Miranda and for siding with Cerberus… but I know you’ll hold onto those things just like I hold onto Horizon…” Shepard swallowed thickly, eyes seeking the Thessian sun-fish flittering around the aquarium. “… to remind myself if we can get over things like Horizon and Miranda… then… we’ll get through any damned situation… Even the Geth look like a mild irritant compared to the shit we’re currently facing… and… I feel we have better chances now you’re here...”  
  
“John…” Kaidan breathed, arms dropping to his sides before a light chuckle escaped his lips. “Couldn’t have put it better myself… Although, I could have gone without the reminder of you and Miranda, thanks...” He rolled his eyes at the mere mention of her. “Perfect genes, perfect smile, perfect voice, perfect ass, I get it, temptation taking form, don’t need the specifics.”  
  
Shepard was tempted to call out on how adorable Kaidan was when fiercely jealous, but decided against it.  
  
“She’s perfect for someone, but that someone is not me, Kaidan.” He announced instead as he took a step closer to the Major, who took a step back in turn. Shepard stopped, sighed and pulled off his N7 hoodie.  
  
“You figure that out before or after you fucked her?” The biotic muttered, face turned towards the Aquarium, but his sight was side-glancing Shepard with a not-so-friendly stare.  
  
“I fucked her after Horizon, when you made it painfully damn clear you didn’t want a thing to do with me!” Shepard snapped as he felt his last string of patience break. He could feel his scars throbbing in retaliation of the raised blood pressure and hammering heart-rate and negativity coursing through him.

 

“She brought me back to life, her and her team of scientists. Every second I spent thinking about you, and then you did that to me on Horizon, I didn’t give a fuck about anything after that! And I certainly didn’t give a damn who I fucked when Miranda got me in her bed. All I wanted was to stop thinking about you for five damn minutes.”  
  
Kaidan was staring at him now, eyes wide, mouth open partially like he had just finished gasping, but his chest was still, like the revelation coming from Shepard’s mouth was news to him.  
  
“What..? You think I loved Miranda?” The Commander finally cringed. “She was just a fling. We wouldn’t be on such good terms if it had been serious when I finished it.”  
  
“I didn’t…. I didn’t think about that.” Kaidan muttered.  
  
“Exactly. I’m only human… I had to get it out of my system, and I didn’t care who it was when you rejected me on Horizon.”  
  
“So… if I had taken you by the hand, led you away… Would you have wanted~..?” Kaidan trailed off.  
  
“… ‘Would I have wanted’ - what, Major..?” Shepard muttered, brow furrowing in confusion.  
  
Kaidan hesitated, shifting his weight and flexing his fingers before he relaxed his jaw and spoke.  
  
“Sex...”  
  
“Oh?” Shepard dropped his arms by his sides, eyebrows rising before the information finally settled in. “…Oh.”  
  
“Like, if I hadn’t been so wrapped up in Cerberus and shouting at you and feeling like my life was slowly caving in on itself, I could have taken you away from Garrus and Miranda and… and…”  
  
“I would have given you everything if it meant anything to you at that point…” Shepard whispered and took a careful step closer. The Major didn’t back away this time. “I would have gotten on my knees, bent over a crate, opened myself to you if it meant even a tiny bit to you… But with everything around us, everything between us so fucked up, I doubt we could have done anything apart from some over-the-clothes action.” A small chuckle from the Major broke the tension between them.  
  
He stepped closer to Shepard now, eyes searching the crystal blue for any sign saying; ‘it’s okay’.  
  
“Look at us… fighting over the stupidest things when all we need to do is land on one damn planet out there to see what real problems are… Our trust in each other may be bruised, but I will never doubt you again where it matters… Like I said, I’ve got your back.”  
  
“And I’d like to see you on yours…” Shepard smirked as he traced his fingers down the Major’s spine. “I only want you, Kaidan… If you had taken me behind some crates on Horizon, I would have done everything to you…” A soft scoff escaped the man’s throat, before he was leaning forward and kissing the subtle scar cutting across the left side of Kaidan’s mouth. He didn’t remember Kaidan getting that scar and he hadn’t noticed it until after he had met Kaidan again on Earth when the Reapers first attacked. Perhaps he got it during a mission between being a Commander and becoming a Major. Maybe it was during the mission where he was tested for his Spectre role. So much had happened for Kaidan in such a small amount of time, perhaps if he had been there, Shepard mused Kaidan’s progress would have been slowed.  
  
“Commander, you’re staring.” Kaidan smirked lightly and shifted until he was up against the lower-ranking officer, fingers sliding around his waist. “You’ve just been staring at my mouth.”  
  
“Just taking in the assets of my crew.” Shepard snickered. “Get in bed, Major. I think we’ve had our share of fun tonight.”  
  
Kaidan looked stuck somewhere between relief and shock.  
  
“But I thought you wanted to… It’s why I came up here, so we could have some real privacy.” He shifted his gaze elsewhere, everything about his body language screaming about how uncomfortable he was talking about sex or anything like that.  
  
“Kaidan… You’ve been suffering from your headaches all day, your nose keeps bleeding and you look tired as hell… Please… Get some rest and I promise, when you’re feeling better, you and I will do it properly.” Shepard touched Kaidan’s chin gently, before sighing and shifting awkwardly on the spot. “Plus, these clothes are getting pretty uncomfortable.”  
  
“That’s hot.” The Major grinned and looked the Commander up and down. “Want some help there..?”  
  
“There’s about 5 regulations against such a thing, Major.”  
  
“Spectre.” Kaidan huffed and grabbed the hem of Shepard’s shirt, before pulling it up over the man’s head. He paused, taking in the sight of his Commanding officer standing in nothing but his underwear. He sucked in a quiet breath, eyes appreciating the plains of muscle and tanned skin beneath a light dusting of coarse hair in the right places.  
  
“In the morning, if you’re feeling better after a good few hours’ sleep…” Shepard muttered. He felt heat rush into the tips of his ears, his cheeks and neck until he was sure even his chest was smattered in a faint blush. “We could…”  
  
“I need you, Shepard.” He heard the Major breath.  
  
Suddenly, nothing but Kaidan mattered. His eyes fixed onto the man standing eye-to-eye with him. His fingers lid through the air and found Kaidan’s clothes and before long, they both stood naked in front of each other. The Major felt his biotics flare at the sight, the spike of arousal hitting the base of his prick with the force of 10 Krogans charging.  
  
“Look at you… You expect me to sleep next to you without wanting more? You’re naïve, Shepard.” Kaidan groaned almost to himself as he began to walk backwards towards the bed, taking careful measures not to fall down the steps in the process.  
  
“I hadn’t thought about how much you would break down my resolve by only being naked…” The Commander chuckled openly before he was leaning in and kissing Kaidan again. It was meant to be light and playful, but the Major moaned like Shepard had put his mouth to another part of him and slipped his tongue into the other’s mouth.  
  
Shepard tried not to cough at being shoved so forcefully down onto the bed, but it escaped him regardless when Kaidan fell on top of him and resumed kissing him until he rolled them over and pulled his lips away slowly.  
  
“Major…” He breathed, giving a soft rut of his hips against the Biotic’s behind. The contact was enough to have them both tensing in pleasure as they tried to stifle their reactions.  
  
“Commander… Please… I need… I want you more than I could ever describe…” Kaidan dropped his head back and arched up against Shepard, rolling his hips into the man’s lap before he opened his mouth and gasped sharply.  
  
“S-sorry, wasn’t expecting you to…” Shepard winced and tried to pull the head of his prick free from Kaidan where he had accidently impaled himself, but as he tried to pull away, the Major followed and continued to press himself onto Shepard.  “Hey, easy, I’m trying to-” A long groan interrupted him.  
  
“I want to be limping in the morning, Commander, that’s an order.”  
  
Shepard didn’t have to be told twice. The Major had been scheduled a few days of inactivity to finish reports and to have his L2 scanned for problems, so what if he was also limping from a session with his Commander on top of all that? Shepard would leave it to Kaidan to explain why to Dr. Chakwas when she asked about it.  
  
He slammed his hips forward and basked in the choked moan the Major released in response. He rolled his pelvis, licking his lips and spat down on his shaft once he’d pulled almost all the way out. He needed a little lubricant to slide more easily, that was the only thing he required to feel the same amount of pleasure as Kaidan and it soon began to work.  
  
“Commander!” Kaidan hissed as the thrusting became brutal fast, but he didn’t sound strained or in pain, he was breathless. Shepard pushed Kaidan’s legs wider and looked down to watch himself disappearing into the Major with every thrust. He squirmed and shuddered and pressed himself back against the Commander’s hardness, letting his lungs voice his pleasure now no one was around to hear him.  
  
“Kaidan, ah, you-…” Shepard swallowed, lips and teeth claiming the spot James had left a subtle mark on, where he actively sucked and bit a larger mark to cover it. No, to _claim_ it, Kaidan supposed.  
  
“John…” His partner gasped and arched his back again, driving himself down against the thrusts until all he could hear was the rustling of sheets and skin-against-skin. But Shepard could never drown out the noises of utter pleasure Kaidan made a habit of creating.  
  
It was a rush to the finish, brought on by Shepard’s hand claiming Kaidan’s prick and jerking it roughly. Kaidan bucked up, hands fisting into the sheets as Shepard drove him open and made him see whole new galaxies.  
  
They didn’t last long, not with the noises now filling the air and the sights of each other so fiercely fucking or being fucked. Kaidan was the first to go, throwing his head back and tightening the already powerful grip he had on Shepard as he was fucked over, and then clear of the edge. He probably came screaming the Commander’s name, he couldn’t remember, but his throat hurt so he guessed as much.  
  
John followed a total of six thrusts later. With one final slam of his hips, he buried himself completely within his partner and emptied all he had. A cracked groan escaped his chapped lips once he was done, gasping and trying for breath.  
  
“I needed that… need you…” It was all Kaidan managed to say before Shepard pulled out and dropped beside him. “Needed to hear you…” He gasped.  
  
“Would be better with lube next time…” Shepard panted. “Don’t like the idea of hurting you… have enough pain already…”  
  
Clear conversations were out of the question, they decided as they collected themselves and shifted into comfortable positions beneath the sheets, instead of on top of them.  
  
“Couldn’t wait for all that nonsense…” Kaidan chuckled tiredly. “I needed you inside me…”  
  
“You’re not in pain, are you..?” Shepard mumbled as he managed to turn over to face the Major.  
  
“No.” He smiled. “I can’t promise I won’t be tomorrow, though. I did say give me a limp… And it was an order… I think we’ll see how well you did tomorrow.”  
  
“Kaidan…” Shepard sighed and shook his head. “Promise me you’ll actually do some resting tomorrow, and by resting I mean; not using biotics, not lifting weights, not having sex with me, not trying to kill reapers. The most I want you to do is file reports and walk around the Normandy.”  
  
“Yeah…” Kaidan sighed and turned over to the Commander, pressing his lips against his temple before he was turning back to sprawl over his side of the bed. “I promise.”  
  
“Thank you, Kaidan.” Shepard sighed in relief and reached out, rubbing his partner’s back. He hesitated.  
  
This was the first time they would be sharing this bed. They were both so tired, it wasn’t a big deal, so Shepard leant further into Kaidan’s space and cuddled to his side, seeking warmth and the rhythmic tone of someone else’s breathing and heartbeat. Kaidan made a noise of approval, but not much of an effort to return the cuddling as he covered Shepard’s hand on his belly with his own.  
  
The man was asleep within minutes, Shepard realised with slight amusement. He had been so over-worked, so tired, so lacking in the calories he should have been having but missing out on after using his biotics, damn… This war, he hated it so damn much.  
  
He felt relieved, even slightly, to have Kaidan there beside him.  
  
“I love you…” He breathed into the man’s hair, pulled him closer and settled in his favourite position against Kaidan.  
  
 _I love you too_ ,  he could hear Kaidan say within his head.

 

**Author's Note:**

> That's what I meant by "plus, James". ;)
> 
> Do leave comments, they make my habit of writing such smut worth while. :')
> 
> I hope you liked the illustration ;0;


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